Heroes

(This post is for me.  I want to be able to read it on not-so-good days to put things into perspective and realize how lucky I really am and also to share with my boys when they are old enough to understand)

Each of my kids never cease to amaze me.  I really do have the children of my dreams.  Last night as I was putting clean sheets on the boys’ beds, Thomas and Connor were in their room playing together.  Connor said “Cocoa can I please play with your spaceship toy?”. Thomas replied “Sure Connor! You can play with my toys anytime you want! You don’t even have to ask!”  Connor replied “I know, but I still need to ask anyways.”  Don’t get me wrong, we have our fighting arguing moments.  But lately they seem fewer and farther between.  It is heart warming to see your children being kind and respectful of each other in regular everyday play.

Thomas is an amazing older brother.  We are almost done potty training Connor.  He is doing great.  He was a little slow getting there, but he does pretty much everything at his own pace.  Thomas was actually a huge help accomplishing this.  When they are outside playing and Thomas has to go potty, he takes Connor with him and helps Connor go potty too.  He celebrates his little brother’s triumphs, without so much of a hint of jealousy.  He cheers them on like he is their biggest fan.  We are active in our church now, but the same couldn’t have been said a year ago.  Thomas had never been to primary before 10 months ago.  He is soaking everything in like a sponge.  I hear him teaching Connor in their room about the lessons he has learned while they are huddled together playing with their toys.  Sunday, Thomas worked all day finishing a paper doll play set of the story of the brass plates complete with a backdrop of the scenery.  Last night for family night we all sat down and watched his show.  He made the dolls move and talk and he narrated the story of Nephi and the Brass Plates.  He nailed it.  Whenever I praise him for sharing his toys so well, he always says the same thing: “I love my family more than anything else in the world. They are more important than my toys.” He blows me away.

Connor is starting to follow in his older brother’s footsteps.  Squabbles are more common between Connor and Riley right now.  Riley can’t speak to communicate, and Connor still likes to have ALL of mommy’s attention, so I won’t hold it against them. :)  But Connor is very grateful.  Yesterday I finally tackled the stack of stuffed animals that have developed holes over time, and I stitched them all back up.  Connor was so happy!  I handed him “Snuggle Bug” (a bean bag pillow thing he has grown to love) and before he took it from me, he wrapped his arms around me so tight and told me thank you for fixing snuggle bug.  Today I was telling him how great he is doing at potty training and he said “You’re welcome. Thank you for washing my bed for me and fixing snuggle bug.”  LOL If you do something nice for that little boy, he will notice.  And he will make sure you know how much he appreciated it.  Another instance was today.  He came up to me and said “Mommy? Will you make me a salad?” I said “Sure buddy!” and he said “Thank you for saying yes mommy.” He also has the most tender heart of any child I’ve ever met.  He had a tiny little accident in his underwear this morning, so little, I didn’t even notice.  I told him good job for staying dry and he said “No Mommy, look.” with a sad face.  I looked and sure enough, there was a tiny little accident. Like he started to go and realized what was happening and stopped.  I told him it was ok, that he did good by telling me he needed to go potty and finishing on the toilet.  But he sat there and cried and cried.  The worst thing in the world for that little boy is the thought of letting anyone down.

Riley is smart.  He is our little Dennis the Menace, he would look just like him with overalls and a sling shot sticking out of his pocket.  I don’t think it’s necessarily because he likes to cause trouble, I think it’s just that he is so curious and exploratory.  You can almost look at him and just see the little wheels in his head turning.  He is an escape artist.  He figures things out like nothing I’ve ever seen.  When he hears the dishwasher open, he comes running and all the dishes that belong in his reach, he puts away like a pro!  He loves helping! When I am gathering up laundry, he will be right there to help me put it in the hamper, take it to the washer, close the door, push the buttons, switch it to the dryer, close the dryer, and push those buttons.  We have to take extra care to keep him safe. So far we have had only one emergency room trip, no black eyes, no broken bones or other injury like that which is shocking to me.  LOTS of close calls though.  I have to watch him constantly (He’s taking a nap right now lol).  If I didn’t, there would have been lots of black eyes, goose eggs and maybe even stitches.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to scream and run over to him just in time to keep him from getting hurt.  Luckily he has developed that little voice that tells you when something is dangerous, so that makes life a little easier and sometimes, I let him fall when I know he’ll just end up with a boo boo and a lesson learned.  That makes life a little more simple too, but he still lets curiosity drown out that little voice far more than both of his older brothers put together ever did.  With how many little fights over toys he and Connor have, they love each other so much.  When they wake up in the morning and see each other, they run to each other and give each other the biggest hug.  It’s that way also when Thomas comes home from school.  He has been carpooling with some friends in the ward and when he walks through the front door, Connor and Riley both run to him with open arms.

Being a mother is the most rewarding amazing life ever.  It seems like the more crazy and stressful the day was, the more rewarding the day is after they are all safe and sound and healthy, tucked in bed sleeping for the night. I really can’t decide if we’re done having children or not.  Last night I was thinking about it.  I believe whether we want another child or not, if God wants us to have another one, it will happen.  So the question isn’t whether or not we’re done, it’s how I would feel if he sent one our way unexpectedly.  My first instinct is to feel inconvenienced.  We would have to get a bigger car, bigger house, start over with diapers, and sleepless nights, and sibling jealousy, that would be 2 more years before all my kids are in school, potty training, all the work that babies are that we are so close to being done with right now.  But as clear as day the thought came to me “They are worth every second of it.”  I think of what it would have been like if before Riley I decided I was done because I knew how much work babies are.  Riley wouldn’t be here.  Would I trade Riley for a slightly more convenient life? NEVER!  At this point, I want to be done.  But if God has different plans, I am fine with that too. :)  I just really wish I could see into the future so I know what to expect. LOL

My kids are my life.  I honestly have no idea how they are turning out so amazing with how imperfect of parents they have.  I always thought that it was the parents who teach their children.  But I think it’s backwards in our house.  My kids are such a great example to me.  There are countless lessons I’ve learned from them.  I don’t think I’m even as half as good of a mom as some other moms I know, and yet they are growing up so beautifully.  It reminds me of the song Butterfly Kisses.  With all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right, to deserve their hugs in the morning and butterfly kisses at night… I cry like a baby every time I hear that song, so I make it a point never to listen to it anymore, but I so love it! LOL 

My boys, Matt included, are my heroes.  It’s depressing to think of what life would be like without any one of them.  I would not trade or change them for anyone or anything in this world.